Complete betrayal.

It was day-two of barn renovations yesterday and know I use the term "barn renovation" very loosely. For starters, it's not exactly a 'barn', but since this is a farm, by golly I'm going to make it a barn. When we arrived at Le Chalet Farm three years ago, we were blessed to have this large, five-bay shop to utilize for animal shelter and (let's face it) storing junk. Areas like this one take time to shape. 

How are we going to use it?

What purpose does it need to serve? 

IS ANYONE EVEN LISTENING TO ME? 

You know. Questions like that. 

So three years in and we finally found the way forward with this large shop: turning it into a "barn". We're going to do this by extending the bay openings on both ends and resurfacing the extensions with old barn wood. Between the two extensions, we will build a corral that will serve as shelter for the animals during the winter when they're off pasture. 

But anyway. This isn't the point of what I wanted to share. 

Like I said... yesterday was day-two of barn renovations and I was struggling. My feet felt heavy. My heart wasn't in it - even though throwing away junk and sorting out messy areas is practically my love language. I was short tempered. I had a headache. I felt downright awful. I even stayed in my sweatpants (under my coveralls, granted) almost all day which I never, ever do. 

Who is this woman? What has become of her? Where's the beautiful, vibrant, youthful Shaye we all knew and loved? 

Now she's grouchy and pajama-ed. Gross. 

I was lamenting my lack of zeal to my husband over supper. "Can you help me with the dishes tonight? I'm so tired! I'm so grouchy. I've been like this all day. I thought it would cheer me up to work through all the junk up at the barn and see progress on the project but I'm just not in it today. Maybe I'll try a bath. I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with me."

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE REPLIED? 

Do you? 

"Maybe it's because you didn't have any caffeine today."

Pardon me, good sir? I most certainly did. I had three espressos to put the pep in my step.

"That was decaf. We were out of regular."

...

I couldn't even speak, I was so angry. I'd been tricked. I'm still angry!

Decaf? What? What even is that? Why do we have it? Why am I even here on this earth?!?

It's complete betrayal.

That's all I wanted to tell you. I thought all day I was in some deep, dark, emotional hole and turns out, I just really needed a strong espresso. Which officially means I'm addicted to coffee. Also - I don't care about that. 

Give the woman a cappuccino! 

I also now know what it feels like to be betrayed by someone you love deeply.

Stuart's going to have to work out of that hole for awhile. I think I'll forgive him when the new "barn" is finished. So probably about next summer. 

That is all.

And Amen.